Surbhi Sharma
“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward”. – Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
At last the much hyped day of judgement arrives. The last day of the world’ existence-doomsday-as it was calculated by an astrologer-21st May’11. Yet another event for the world to share a laugh, crack jokes about. The social sites, heavily loaded with funny, weird, absurd status, comments by people mocking at the coming and going of several doomsdays in the past years without fulfilling its objective. Such a paradox it is that the very word ‘doomsday’ that otherwise would have frightened the people, however became an elment of joke. Strange it is, how we fall in traps to such lame things and start enjoying the contradictions of it. Why do we need to label some specific day as doomsday and wait to see if it actually performs its said role, if the entire world perishes that specific day. Its just so simple infact, every single person on earth infact every single living creature on this very earth faces in his life a day called doomsday, a day when his fate is decided, a day when his life ends. Well whatever, it may be, talking about the arrival of the much awaited 21st may, I got up in the morning to see what’s instore and there it was all over on the papers- mere stupidity, I thought. The world has no work left then to waste time in laughing at something so stupidand something that perhaps they think would never happen and those of them who believe in it would be either glued to their t.v’s waiting for the moment or must be seeking forgiveness for the things that they earlier enjoyed doing and now fearing the outcomes. But suddenly as I began thinking about it over and over again, it struck to me, that I too wanted to see if the day brings any repercussions in my life and the others around me? Lately i wasn’t really happy with my life,though it was like any other day for me yet somewhere deep in my heart, I was however praying “God if not for the world, let it be a day of judgement for me”, for i see nothing blissful happening in my life. All of a sudden it dawned on to me that i was living a life which had no direction , no meaning. This life suddenly seemed worthless to me, a burden that i was carrying for no good reason, not that something bad had happened but because nothing good was happening either. I spent the entire day restless in bed, thinking about all the unpleasant events that could occur in my life.
Disconsolately, i walked out to the balcony, sipping my drink, thinking how much had i started disliking my very own life and how i would like it to either end, else become beautiful by acquiring the things that I thought would make me a happier person and hence my dear life sublime. I ignored all the beautiful things that were my precious possessions, those which i was blessed with already but thought about the one’s i didn’t have. I felt a deep pain in my heart, I had lost the jest for living .
Death seemed to be such a luring idea at the moment. These morbid thoughts started fascinating me . My mind began to swirl around, it began to play out the scene of my own funeral. tears tickled down, as I began thinking of all the things, the moments, that I strongly yearned for but did not have. I thought about God , thought whether he existed or not, thought why the world believed in his existence when no one has ever seen him, thought if he existed what must he , be thinking about my thoughts, and to my utter surprise iit began to rain heavily just then, out of the blue. The rain came down so heavily in the very first rush that it seemed that the Gods were in competition with me to see who has bigger problem , who ‘s pain was bigger and so who cries more. In my mind I heard a question which was as if questioned by god himself that we all human beings tend to complain to him over the silliest thing that we do not like, who does he have to raise his complaints to. It was in this very moment that i had an epiphany. Honestly, I do not know whether god exists or not, but in our minds there always is a superior figure that is individually created by each one of us who we think has ultimate powers and who has control over us. It is a force, force within us and this force tells us to do the things the right way, but most of the times we do not adhere to it for the external influence overpowers this force which results in the excruciating moments that we experience later. That is when our pandora box which is full of complaints open up as to why and how it happened, while the answer is simple, it happened because of “us” our ownselves. If certain things do not happen in our lives the way we want it to, it is due to the lack of faith. Faith is the word. This force too which drives us is called Faith. I remember here a particular extract from bible where Jesus and his disciples were leaving Bethany ,Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it.In the morning, as they went along, they saw the same fig tree withered from the roots and Peter remembered and said to Jesus, “Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!” to which Jesus replied “Have faith in God, “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. ” it is with such simplicity the bible delivers the power of faith . Faith , belief is the answer of all our queries, it is the solution to all our problems. Faith is what god is. That simple act of nature, the rain made me understand everything. It was completely a natural phenomenon. it can rain anytime , though it had nothing to do with my crying yet it made me understand where I was lacking. I had stopped having faith, because nothing eventful was happening in my life.
I wanted so many things in my life yet i was not working towards achieving them and in return was cursing my own faith itself. Just then i decided that I would note down every little thing that I wanted to do before I die, and would work towards achieving it,and believing that i would get it, that is what this life is given to us for and believe me life exactlty gives us what we ask of her, it is our approach towards it that makes the difference. I now looked at it with a different attitude and I realize the beauty of it.I have come to understand that circumstances don’t make us, they reveal us.How we respond to the life that is offered us is what makes us. I am at peace with myself now. The day was truley a day of judgement for me, for my faith decided to give me a chance and now i decided to move my life with positivity and a better understanding of myself. This moment is beautiful and I have fallen in love with life and myself again. Whatever vicissitudes of my past life, I now decided to move on with a positive attitude and live life like never before.
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