Dr Pallavi Anand
Parenting has been one of the most talked about topics since the time of conception of family system. Parenting has been experienced by the vast majority of humans throughout history. The majority has been parented, and the majority is now parenting.
Every parent approaches parenting in his own unique way, and considers himself expert in the field. Every new generation of parents discards the preceding generation’s parenting techniques in favor of a newer and better form of parenthood that caters to their abilities and current trends. Despite the fact that there are so many experts in the area and that parenting methods and strategies are always evolving, research ignores this general competence of parents and comes up with new ideas of parenting every now and then. Over the last few decades, researchers have extensively highlighted the importance of parenting in a child’s life, and as a result, modern parents are prepared to go above and beyond their capacities to provide their children with the best of everything, including love, care, affection, support, resources, comfort, and so on. However, as is well known, an excess of everything is bad, and an excess of all the positives offered by parents results in detrimental development of their kids. Does this imply that parents should not show their children love, care, and affection? Or does this imply that parents ought to acknowledge how much parenting is too much parenting? They provide their children with how much is necessary for their best growth and development, rather than how much they are able to provide.
One of the long-standing issues with Indian parenting has been the extent of intervention that parents have in their children’s lives. However, over period of time with the shift in Indian parenting practices, it became a distinguishing element of the Indian family system that not only did parents step aside and allow children to make their own life decisions, but they also held them accountable for the choices they make. In this way, parenting in India saw a steady transition from authoritarian to authoritative parenting. On the other hand, modern parenting styles are becoming more intense, with well-intentioned parents continuing to extensively interfere and make decisions for their kids. For parents in the twenty-first century, parenting has become an obsession rather than a wonderful stage of life.
Parents today are more worried about their children than ever before. Yet, at the same time, they are more concerned than past generations about doing enough for their kids, feeling that a lack of participation or inadequate care and protection may hinder their child’s future success and well-being. It has become a cause of daily stress since parents are too invested in the course of development of their children and closely monitor every aspect of their lives, including their eating habits, outdoor activities, day-to-day issues, friends, education and so on. From the moment a child wakes up in the morning until he/she falls asleep, he/she is constantly being monitored by their parents. Parents are striving to give the best for their children, whether it is in the form of daily meals, advanced facilities, or educational opportunities. A plethora of comforts are provided to youngsters in order to protect them from the harsh storm of life’s difficulties. Parents no longer even encourage or permit their kids to play outside by themselves as they did a few years ago; and if any case they do allow, they have a constant eye on their kids. Although the reasons for this protection from outside world are clear, does this not mean that by preventing kids from experiencing things like slipping on uneven ground, acquiring rashes from falling from swings, running on a road, and many other similar situations, we are somehow impeding their natural development?
Parents undoubtedly know what’s best for their children, but the long-term effects of this safety net on a child’s self-esteem and overall personality development are permanent. So does that mean parents should leave their children alone and let them grow on their own? Obviously not. A supportive parenting approach is very important for development of children, wherein parents meet basic physical, psychological, social and emotional needs of a child in an appropriate and consistent way, along with providing space to the children to do mistakes and take the lead in their own growth and development. When all this happens, children are more likely to develop a secure attachment with parents. Such optimal levels of secure attachment help children to feel more confident in themselves and the world, leading to more positive cognitive, social and emotional development.
This is due to the fact that learning occurs when children are allowed to make errors, take tiny yet developmentally appropriate risks, and choose which activity they will engage in. On the other hand, giving children too much help and when parents are unwilling to let them live life on their own might actually make them more likely to feel anxiety as adolescents and young adults and also result in less effective coping mechanisms. Overprotected kids who aren’t given the chance to make mistakes are more likely to lack confidence and struggle to overcome obstacles in adulthood. Children will eventually encounter difficulties, but if they are always taken care of, it will impede their development. Children will experience obstacles sooner or later, but if they are shielded from them, their growth is hampered. By keeping kids secure aboard at all times, parents are also preventing them from creating memories that will last a lifetime.
A recent research from the University of Essex found that child’s possibilities to engage in “spontaneous play” are being restricted by their parents’ continual supervision which may have an effect on their general growth and development. Studies indicate that too much parental control throughout early childhood might result in emotional and behavioral problems in the future. When children are not allowed to make mistakes, to fail and learn from wrong decisions, they end up being unhappy, confused, inexperienced, and terrified adults
To conclude, perhaps parents should ask themselves certain questions as how much attention, care and protection is necessary for their child to develop to the best of their abilities? How much they should engage and intervene in the development of their child? Although research is still in the process of finding concrete answers to these questions, parents are the best judge in this.
(The author is an Assistant Registrar in University of Jammu)
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