Akhila Magotra
In the middle of the bustling supermarket, three-year-old Aryan suddenly drops to the floor, kicking and screaming while her mother Shivani stands helplessly nearby, feeling the eyes of judgmental shoppers bore into her. It’s a familiar scene to many young parents. Preschooler tantrums are a universal challenge, but understanding the neurobiology behind them and employing effective management strategies can transform these overwhelming episodes into opportunities for growth and connection.
Preschoolers are at a critical stage of brain development, which significantly influences their behavior. The prefrontal cortex (a crucial part of the brain located at the front of the frontal lobes. It plays a significant role in various complex behaviors and cognitive processes), responsible for reasoning, self-control and emotional regulation, is still in the early stages of development during the Preschooler years. This means that Preschoolers often experience intense emotions they struggle to regulate, leading to the dramatic outbursts we know as tantrums.
Empirical evidence from neuroscience provides insight into these meltdowns. Research by Dr. Allan Schore, a leading expert in neuropsychology, developmental neuroscience and developmental psychoanalysis, indicates that during a tantrum, a Preschooler’s brain is essentially hijacked by the amygdala, region of the brain primarily associated with emotional processes. This “amygdala hijack” floods their system with stress hormones, rendering them temporarily incapable of rational thought or self-soothing.
Understanding this biological basis is crucial for effective tantrum management. Instead of viewing tantrums as manipulative or deliberate misbehavior, recognizing them as a natural part of development allows us to respond with empathy and patience. Here are some evidence-based strategies to manage Preschooler tantrums effectively:
Stay Calm and Collected
When Aryan’s tantrum escalated, Shivani took a deep breath and knelt down to her son’s level, maintaining a calm and composed demeanor. This response is backed by studies showing that children often mirror the emotional states of their caregivers. By staying calm, Shivani helped to create a soothing environment, making it easier for Aryan to regain control.
Validate Their Feelings
During the meltdown, Shivani gently said, “I see that you’re very upset because we can’t get that toy right now. It’s okay to feel sad.” Validating a Preschooler’s feelings can reduce the intensity of their emotional response. According to Dr. John Gottman’s research on emotional intelligence, acknowledging emotions helps children feel understood and can shorten the duration of a tantrum.
Provide Comfort and Security
While Aryan continued to cry, Shivani offered a comforting hug. Physical affection can release oxytocin, a hormone that reduces stress and promotes feelings of safety and bonding. This neurobiological response can help calm a distressed Preschooler more effectively than reasoning or punishment.
Distract and Redirect
As Aryan began to calm down Shivani gently redirected her attention to a different activity, saying, “Let’s go find some Mangoes.” Distraction and redirection are effective techniques because they engage the child’s developing prefrontal cortex, helping to shift their focus away from the source of distress.
Teach Emotional Regulation
After the tantrum subsided, Shivani took the opportunity to teach Aryan about emotions and coping strategies. She explained, “When you feel really upset, we can take deep breaths together or count to five.” Providing children with tools to manage their emotions helps to strengthen the neural pathways associated with self-regulation.
It’s important to remember that every child is unique and what works for one may not work for another. Patience and consistency are key. Moreover, frequent and intense tantrums may signal underlying issues such as sensory processing disorders or anxiety and consulting with a pediatrician or child psychologist could be beneficial.
In the months following Aryan’s supermarket meltdown, Shivani continued to use these strategies and she noticed a significant reduction in the frequency and intensity of her son’s tantrums. By fostering a supportive and understanding environment, she not only managed the tantrums more effectively but also helped Aryan develop essential emotional regulation skills.
Tantrums are therefore a normal part of preschooler’s growth, a manifestation of their growing independence and emotional development. By approaching these challenging moments with empathy and informed strategies, parents and caregivers can turn tantrums into teachable moments, laying the groundwork for resilient and emotionally intelligent children. The journey through Preschooler hood may be tumultuous, but with the right tools and understanding, it can also be deeply rewarding.
(The author is an Early Childhood Educationist & Social Entrepreneur)
Follow our WhatsApp channel
