Gauri Chhabra
Life is not a series of gig lamps symmetrically arranged together, but a luminous halo, a semi -transparent envelope…
So said Virginia Woolf, the pioneer of ‘stream of consciousness technique, while referring to the tangential array of thoughts that keep crisscrossing our minds from time to time, sometimes waning, sometimes sticking…
We get stuck in our heads all the time… although it’s lovely to ponder life and be inquisitive about yourself,the problem is, that the majority of our thoughts are not so upbeat. When we’re in mind-wandering mode, thoughts usually turn to what bills are due, why your partner was a jerk last night, why a coworker took credit for your work today, why you reacted in a particular way to a family member, and so on. And, funnily, at times like this, when we’re not focusing on anything in particular, the brain’s default mode is on, which means that the brain literally wanders in a worry-based thinking most of the time.
So getting out of our heads and back to the present is the key. How to do this has been the subject of debate for centuries. Here are some methods to help get you out of your head and back into the present.
Get in touch:
Getting in touch with your internal stuff allows you to process it, which lets you move on from it. The reality is that most people grew up with the notion that it’s better to hide your feelings than to talk about them. This, of course, is one of the most destructive ideas you to carry with you, because it means that thoughts never get processed – they just spin around your head ad infinitum. But addressing them by talking about them with friends is one way to step out of them.
Today, people are starting to talk more openly about their experiences and pain, which is a very good thing. But if you’re not processing your experiences at the same time, then the underlying problems will continue. Talking about how we feel with close friends helps us process events and emotions in a way that going over and over in your head simply can’t.
Get out of rumination:
The danger of introspecting too much, of course, is that it can easily turn into full-blown rumination-an endless cycle of self-examination and worry that goes nowhere. Ruminating is like a record that’s stuck and keeps repeating the same lyrics. It’s replaying an argument with a friend in your mind. It’s retracing past mistakes. It is like that middle-of-the-night thinking , when the rest of the world is hidden by darkness and the mind descends into a spiral of endless reaction to itself. People have repetitive thoughts, but don’t take action. Depressed ruminators end up making themselves more depressed.
Next time you go on a rumination mode, think of yourself like a storyteller, trying to fit events into a general framework, rather than pouring over each little piece of information.
Off track is actually on track:
You’ve surely witnessed it in action many times: When someone asks you a question that’s off track and is a little too personal, you may have noticed that after the initial jolt, it actually feels good to answer it, because it opens the conversation up to another level. The truth is that most of us actually want to be more open and connected with one another, but just don’t know how to go about it – it’s so ingrained in us not to offend anyone and not to over-share, that we end up being too conservative.
Talk to a stranger
In the same vein, building connections with others , even if you don’t actually know them , is another good way to step outside your head, particularly in these days of phone isolation. When you try to talk to a total stranger on the train or bus, your mood brightens considerably , and even more amazingly, it also brightens the mood of the stranger. Again, this is probably because we really do want to connect with one another more, even with strangers , but just aren’t sure if others want to. It turns out they do.
So try overstepping the bounds just a little , not so much as to freak the other person out, but enough to show them that you’re up for feeling a little more connected. Or talk to the guy next to you on the bus. It will certainly get you out of your head, not to mention brighten your day, and his.
Deactivate your ‘Me Center’:
Deactivate the ‘me centers’ of the brain, the areas that are active when we’re having thoughts related to the self by meditation. Meditating has also been shown to help treat other related mental health issues, like depression, addiction, anxiety, and attention deficit disorders, as well as to improve concentration, attention, and cognitive performance. So give it a try: Start with sitting, and focusing on your breath for five minutes. If your mind wanders, just observe that wandering, with a sense of curiosity, and pull it back to your focus. That part of the pulling the mind back, again and again is really the heart of the practice.
Give back:
Lots of people have said that helping others is actually a selfish deed because it’s such a good way of helping yourself. Helping others helps you because it forces you get out of your own self and focus on something outside yourself. If you’re a parent, you know that focusing on another person does a similar thing. But when you actually set out to spend your time on another person or cause, you’ll find that it’s a very good way to move the focus away from you. Try asking someone who looks down if they need to talk. It’ll certainly make them feel better, just to be asked that question. And you’ll be the better for it, too.
Focus on the lesson learnt:
Every situation we go through has the potential to teach us something. Think about what you are ruminating about and see how to use it to improve yourself. For example, if you are ruminating about a mistake you made at work, think about steps you can take to make sure the same mistake doesn’t happen again. By looking at how you can improve, you begin focusing on the positive of the situation rather than the negative.
The mind is a pretty cool place – but when it gets to be too much, it’s important to know how to take a break from it.
So, next time your thoughts stick to you, find a way out…
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