The Broken Bond

Ashok Sharma
In the days of yore, typical Indian family was a joint family which consisted of grand parents besides , grand sons, daughters, daughters-in-laws, nephews ,nieces, grand children all  of  whom lived happily and affectionately under the same roof with the result that there was always fun and frolic.The most healthy aspect of this relationship was that all the members ,especially the young and the bed ridden received equal attention from all the other members who had sufficient time to look after them. There used to be a strong bond between all the relatives but the most affectionate and emotional relationship in the family was and still is grandparents and grandchildren.The grandparents acted as guide, caretaker,mentors of the youngerfolk.They would listen to their grandchildren and tell them moral stories and folktales to the which had a deep impact on their tender and impressionable minds and psyche and played a key role in developing moral values such as respect for elders, tolerance, corporate living and thus shaping their personality. Often these stories revolve around kings,queens, demons, fairies, which symbolised valour, modesty, shrewdness, intrigue, evil etc and had a deep impact on the mindset of children.The grandparents, especially  the paternal grandmother would shower love and affection on the grandchildren and devote much time to look after them which is so crucial for the development of their wholesome personality. They would play with the children making the latter the centre of attraction developing their self esteem and providing them a sense of security, safety and protection. The grandchildren ,in turn,would mix freely with them, adore them and often ask them to narrate their life when they were young as also the olden times. Thus the grandparents would impart a valuable knowledge about their family history, culture and heritage to the youngerfolk in an interesting and  informal manner.The children took delight in  going for outings with their grandparents and took a piggyback and often slept peacefully with their grandparents, of course, in turn.But with the breaking up of joint family as a result of fast life, more demand for freedom, assertion of individuality by the new generation, etc, trend for nuclear families emerged, which deprived the children of growing up under the love , care and closeness of their grandparents and thus missing the best time of their childhood.The grandparents too are forced by their ‘ rich’ sons to seek shelter in oldage homes
The grandparents, with their wisdom, patience,experience serve as loving companions, caregivers, mentors, historians and source of social support.Children have a feeling of love, affection, fun, laughter, joy, liveliness, emotional closeness, love for elders etc.Grandparents, being freefrom day to day tensions, responsibilities, can afford to provide special time for their grandchildren telling them family history and sharing their legacy with them.They are a source of tremendous support if both the parents of their grandchildren are working couples.Thus, the grandparents provide a vital relationship to their children as source of parenting tips and bridging the intergenerational gap.These days, educated and overambitious mothers do not feel shy of preventing their children from talking to their grandparents as they speak and talk in Dogri.Moreover, the children at 2 or 3 are admitted to schools and then sent for tuition.So they have little spare time to play or interact with their parents and grandparents with the result that children  donot get a chance, to experience the love , affection and warmth of their grandparents and thus imbibe the virtues of kindness, respect for elders, compassion, etc with the result that they take to crime and vices such as drug addiction, irreverence for elders, vices such as smoking, chewing tobacco etc.There is also a word of caution for the grandparents.While dealing with their grandchildren,Grandparents too should refrain from interfering into the lives of their children and overpampering the grandchildren to such an extent that they may get spoiled.However, the grandparents ought to send story books/ favourite games if they live at a distance and the grandchildren too should reciprocrate by sending them gifts including their photographs when they were young to help them recall their fond memories of the days of their childhood and youth and thus, to keep alive this lofty and immortal bond of grandparents and grand children.
( The writer is serving as lecturer in English in Govt. Hr. Sec. School,Barolla, Udhampur)

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