Ashish Kaul
“As the train chugged and rumbled out of the station noisily moving towards the pious city of Haridwar, one witnessed the slow death of a mother son bond disappearing into wilderness. Amongst the scores of passengers travelling, was a modern day ‘Shravan Kumar’, who had very tactfully duped his gullible mother into believing that they were very soon going to be a part of a holy pilgrimage. Excited by all this, little did she realise that as the train proceeded on its journey, it would be an entirely different destination she would eventually reach. Her devious son notoriously planned to send her to grave. Taking advantage of the swirling crowd, the son abandoned his mother deliberately at one of the ghaats and very conveniently declared her dead back home. The vulnerable and despaired mother apparently bumped into a son’s close friend their at Haridwar . He offered the distressed mother to come along. On realizing her son’s intention, something snapped within her and she refused to return to her son.”
A few years back when my mother first stated this story to me, I found it very melodramatic and unrealistic. But, during my previous visit to Delhi, I got to meet and talk about such harsh experiences one to one. A real life encounter with these old flames can make you feel sick. Encounters of this kind rattle our value system as such tales transcend from fiction to facts.
Almost 200 people of age group ranging from 60 to 85 years are spending their life in an ashram, ironically known as “Gurkul”. Located deep inside Bandhwari village in the new millennium district of Gurgaon on Faridabad road, the Ashram itself is a reflection of the inmate’s poignant lives. Four dormitory halls with polymer sheets as roof, forms the abode of these 200 odd souls, who pray daily to Gods above and lords below for a miracle. The original old age home “Gurukul”, in Vasant Kunj, was razed to the ground, in a fire, few months back. Ravi Kalra, who runs “Gurukul” says “Life is a continuous medical emergency due to the frail health of these abandoned souls”. Majority of the females who end up at Gurukul, are in complicated medical conditions in advanced stages and in need of critical medical treatments. Thus death is a companion, frequent than their guests, who visit them once or twice a week. Ravi Kalra believes, the radically changing social architecture and decaying morale values are responsible for the existence of old age homes like Gurukul.
Ravi Kalra and the Gurukul altered my own faith and belief and took me on a journey to delve deeper into a world that is darker than the darkest nights coming up on our horizon. 7.4% of India’s population falls in to the age group of 60 years plus. What’s more overwhelming is that by 2050 the population will see a rise of 20% and India will be a home to every sixth human of 60 year or more. We are talking about a rapid rise in population over next 2-3 decades and the impact will be there to be seen. In terms of sheer numbers then I can say that India will be home to 17% of global population in 60plus age group.
Huge challenge is what the sociologist Aradhana Agrawal claimed. She says,”The new definition of family is narrowing down from “all inclusive” to “me, my wife and my kids”. Hence the new generation is turning blind towards their parents. Young India sees parents more as an obligation and not necessarily as a part of the “nuclear” family, deserving and encompassing love, care and responsibility. The generation which is brought up by parents who irrespective of all odds and hardships have given them best of education, claims that it is the lack of understanding and disparity in the thought process which makes their life difficult to survive with their parents. So, do we blame the structure of higher education for creating this divide? Is our altering socio-cultural environment responsible for the degrading moral values? There is also the recent horrifying tale of a woman being rescued from her husband’s pyre, where she was placed by her own children – shocked? “Hemlata Thakur (Name Changed) a well-educated woman with a satisfying past was living in upmarket Janakpuri in west Delhi with her husband. The pair did well and both their children were settled in the I.T field. Parents even sold their property in order to arrange money for their children’s “Green Card”. When her husband died, the children came to attend his funeral and left their mother on the father’s pyre. By the time we were informed and reached to save her from a ravaging pyre, she had sustained serious burns. Though we immediately rushed her to hospital, Hemlata Thakur eventually met her end,” says Ravi Kalra. Hemlata and her husband represent the good old inclusive India that lived and grew, deprived of technology that has reduced the world to a global village but fast on way to a village of marauders of their fore bearer.
Another disturbing face of the problem is a steep rise in number of cases involving violence against these senior citizens. According to the data recently released by Help Age India, the number has gone up to a whopping 50% this year as compared to 23% last year. This is given our claim to be a sensitive, civilized and educated civil society. If we further drill down these numbers we will see that aged women constitute 52% of total victims (of domestic violence) whereas remaining 48% are the elderly men who are subjected to it. I haven’t had to go anywhere to verify the gravity. There were several victims of domestic violence on elderly ones present in this ashram. They were beaten for months, locked in the rooms and kept in absolute inhuman conditions before finally being dumped to rot for rest of their lives. One such victim is Manohar Singh (Changed name), found on a footpath in Delhi in a miserable state, shabby clothes, unattended hair and beard and almost claws for nails. Manohar Singh is a Graduate from London school of Economics, a Member of International court of justice and a retired Judge. Silence is his new profession and doesn’t talk anything about his sons. It has been three years since he was adopted from that footpath.
If you think cause have something to do with Financial reason… think again as another disturbing fact revealed by Mr Kalra will prove you wrong. As per him most of these dumped and discarded aged humans belong to middle class or well to do families. So we have to rule out finances as the only reason for this cold hearted behavior towards them however there are elderly people who were discarded by their children as a result of not able to afford the cost of their medication. Still the numbers representing the latter half is minuscule.
While there are multiple groups that advocate women/Child/Human rights, there is impactful and audible voice against what is happening to these senior citizens of a young India. Nobody is seen to advocate for their rights, social security or alimony on the lines of other marginalized strata of the society. Fact of the matter is that these ignored souls are in such a helpless condition that they can’t raise a voice against what has happened with them. Need of the hour is not only concrete policies and laws to safe guard the interest of these elderly people but what is much desperately required is implementation of the existing policies. To begin with, abandoning and deserting parents in old age must be made a criminal offense as grave as IPC 302 / 307 considering in old age parents need care and support without which they will perish. Also, parents must have the right to revoke their will at any time. We have women Group’s fighting for alimony for women who are hale and hearty, why has no one fought for an alimony for parents ?. Let’s face the reality they are beaten in mind and body, and till ‘ashrams’ are giving them shelter, food and care not their rights and dues they deserve.
(The author is a Media veteran and currently Business Head with a leading transnational conglomerate. Author can be reached on @aashishkaul. Views are personal).
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