Anita Kanwal Slathia
Lock down marriage, ever heard of this term before? Wow, what a name I have coined to this marriage, a unique and entirely a new paradigm for all of us.
Do you know when and how this came into existence? A very interesting and a unique experience. Lets take you to a strange journey during my daughter’s marriage and why I have called it a lockdown marriage.
We are kept updated through the channels and News bulletins about this information about COVID-19, looming all around us. Our Government declared a Junta curfew, country followed it religiously in a way, trying to be a part of this strange happening. On the other hand, we, occupied with the last minute preparations for our daughter’s marriage.
As a result, the social and cultural scenario had a great impact. This was a strange occurrence that even the most sensitive issues of visiting religious places, attending marriage functions were postponed or cancelled. This made everybody to ponder over the seriousness of the viral disease which had taken a huge form in Italy, but its origin was from Wuhan, China. The curfew imposed by our Government was a kind of precautionary measure and thoughtful step towards the spread of this epidemic called as COVID 19.
In the midst of chaos all around, according to the consent of everybody in the family, we finally decided to perform the wedding ceremony of our daughter. Now the point was, how to plan it into entirely different scenario. So we fastened our seat belts and looked into various options and ways to find all the resources available for us. We were left with one month but with lockdown it all appeared as a challenge now. The reason of our anxiety was how the things would be arranged. All shops market-places, marriage Halls, beauty parlors and almost everything essential for a marriage ceremony was remote in time or space. So now we had to look for the alternatives to almost everything. The most important was the-manpower- the challenging aspect which created a void. Worsening the situation was that the transport system was completely shut down with the aim to check the pandemic.
Right from the beginning, challenges were waiting head on. First was whether the marriage should be solemnized or not. Mind boggling discussions took place. Some came up with the opinion that without relatives and friends the marriage is incomplete while others suggested that as everything was planned so why not give it a shot. This was the crucial point and a decision on which depended the future of the ceremony. We had to look into all the aspects of the situation.
After many wise heads joined together, there came out a final verdict which gave our decisions a direction towards the progress of ceremony. Here also came a priest to our help, though he got stuck in a different district outside Jammu due to lockdown. Mobile phone, brought by my son, a day before came to my rescue. This little instrument in my hand never had become so handy and useful, that right in my room. At every step I got a call from my well wisher and my support system, my dear MOM. Whenever she called me, I was ever ready with a pen and a diary. This became my daily planner, a special Gift from my dear sister proved to be blessing.
At this juncture of time I had no other alternative on which I had my future planned day to day. It was a brand new one, a pen nicely placed in one of its holders. Though it was a beautiful diary, I receive from her every year but what was special about it that this one was heading me towards a challenge and I knew that a month’s time was not sufficient for such a God gifted moment in my angel’s life. The pre-planning evaporated in a short span. Our house became the venue thus replacing the marriage hall. I was nervous to the extent that the sleepless nights became a norm. The fact that now it all had to be more precise and with minimalistic resources.
Most important was the consent of a priest, who would be ready to solemnize the marriage ceremony and rituals. With God’s grace, it was arranged in a way that one priest would perform the ceremonies at both the places. This was the first indication of the Almighty’s blessings for us in the form of Bridegroom’s parents who assisted us throughout, next we had to go for the cancellation of the booking of the marriage hall and the catering organizers. It was easy but the tough part was from where to arrange the alternative resources. The major challenge was, whether anybody who was approached would be voluntarily providing us his or services in such critical circumstances. On the other hand we had to be extra cautious on the part of the minimal manpower. This made our planning more methodical with the essential skill of prioritizing.
Next came the listing part which kept changing many a times. Here again the mobile assisted me to search for the phone numbers whom to contact and finally a lady for preparation of the food was arranged. As she came as a God’s messenger, she was as perfect in preparing meals we could never have got any better person. I was so jeopardized, that every fourth day I checked on her whether she would not back out, as I had no other option at this point of time. We had already booked the items which were required to be rented for the, ceremonies. Now again it were to be checked back. As these were available in our neighborhood, we were a bit relieved.
According to the customs of our region, eleven days prior to the Wedding day, the mother of the bride is supposed to perform certain rituals in which a handful of black pulses, whole black gram and whole wheat seeds were supposed to be washed and kept in the Sun. Each cereal to be tied in three red pieces of cloth separately after these get dried up. On the same day, I had got the fireplace made of mud and cow-dung, as it is a tradition but a lovely ritual which is near to my heart. I had seen my mother perform it during my marriage. These are to be made use on the morning ceremonies of the Wedding-day. As it was not easy for me on my own, because I was informed that this small ritual is done with the help of elderly ladies of the family. But now the time had taken a turn, so I took help from a nearby woman with expertise in this work. The way this lady completed the task was appreciable. It involved promptness as the auspicious time mentioned by my priest was that all these rituals were supposed to be performed before twelve at noon.The ceremonies went smooth and Almighty in the form of my well-wishers were a great support.
One of the most important part of a marriage are the guests. It was a again a challenge. We wished all our near and dears to be present in the most precious moment of our life. Then again my tiny companion, my phone came to my assistance. One by one I started sending messages to all my friends and relatives, making various lists of both family and friends and checking the guest list and making sure to talk to them, finding for the phone numbers which had changed, keeping a check of not to miss anybody. Here again we missed visiting each of them and privilege of handing over the invitation cards. After the telephonic conversations and with the feedback, I was relieved and understood the true meaning of “nears and dears” all of them were a great support and boosted my morale. Many of them even gave me advices and helpful suggestions. On that day I thanked God for providing me with such a solid support system in the form of my friends and relatives.
The next important step towards the proper proceeding was the permission of the Government authorities. We could culminate the marriage rituals with not more than 15 -16 relatives in all from both the families. The norms were to be strictly adhered during this pandemic times. There was a written permission sought and a letter of consent was handed over to us so that we should adhere to all the precautions to be taken during the gathering. So at the time of the arrival of the BARATIS, we followed a unique custom which was the demand of the time and it was to make each one sanitise their hands. It was a gesture to make everybody feel safe and secure during the function.
Right from the greeting of the Barat, photo sessions, dinner, ceremonies and rituals to the VIDAII went off so smooth as it was a dream passing by. Every guest present was a support and enjoyed dancing and merry making that made me feel as if every moment was auspicious planned from the HEAVEN itself.
Finally, time to make arrangements for the VIDAII. An emptiness struck deep inside which created a void both within me and in my home. Tears came out rolling from nowhere and the whole day I kept hiding in my room so that no one could stop me from this very strange amalgamation of feelings which was difficult for me to handle at that juncture of time. Then came the moment which I was craving for, to see my piece of heart return in the evening as newly wedded bride clad in a beautiful sari adorned with a decent makeup and a well-plated hair. My delicate darling appeared before me along with my handsome son-in-law, turning my heavy heart into smiles all over.
On a concluding note, I would rather put my views in a way that is facing a challenge of a Pandemic or solemnizing the most important occasion like marriage ceremony, what may come but HUMANS can only make everything possible with support, goodwill and cooperation.
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