B D Sharma
A Vietnamese proverb states that brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet. A sibling is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit and a golden thread to the meaning of life. In the days gone by we witnessed empathy and love amongst siblings and if any difference arose, they would settle them mutually and amicably amongst themselves. These days we are confronted with a situation where siblings behave selfishly. One gets amused to see people, who are otherwise wise and thoughtful, resorting to fighting like children over small property matters, figuratively sometimes and literally at other times scratching, punching and pulling each other’s hair. In many cases there is no overt conflict but just beneath the surface there is lot of tension.
As Revenue Officers we used to come across many cases where one member of the family would snatch the share of his brothers out of the inherited property leaving the other brothers to spend their time in knocking at the doors of courts and offices. The snatchers would come forward with strange and shameful justifications. Previously daughters/sisters were not given shares out of the ancestral property and they acquiesced in accepting it as they were rendered all type of help by parents/ brothers from time to time. Daughters/ sisters enjoyed lot of respect also in their parental homes. The relations between sisters and brothers were generally cordial. Brother-sister relations might have just happened and none had got to choose them, but they became one of the most cherished relationships.
Many brothers have become selfish and self centered and pay no heed for the well-being of their sisters. So many sisters have started filing cases against their own brothers for getting their share in parental property. Reasons sometimes are petty. One woman who filed a case against her brothers for getting her share before me stated that the wives of her brothers didn’t touch her feet properly while paying their respect to her. Another lady explained that her brothers had kept with themselves all the memorabilia of her father such as a 12 bore gun, a saddle with silver rims, his Anant (a bulky bangle like ornament born above elbow) weighing 40/50 Tolas of glistening silver, his watch with golden frame etc. But she, an only daughter of her parents, wanted her mother’s bridal ring in memory of her beloved mother but the same was denied to her. Strangely enough the fight in such cases was not about the inheritance of land or the money but about the things which symbolized: importance, love, security, self-esteem, connectedness etc. All love was lost between brothers and sisters in many families due to these flimsy grounds.
With materialism having assumed dominance in our lives, we have become selfish, mean, cold, unapproachable and stand-offish. By becoming selfish and self centered we are not doing justice to our families, to our siblings, to our nears and dears and setting a bad precedence. Some people in our society are still generous, large-hearted, open-hearted, cordial and gracious. A case of extreme love, magnanimity, mutual support, purity and sympathy between a brother and his sister came to my notice many years ago wherein the materialistic tendencies had no place in their relationship. It pertains to the family of my friend Subhash Singh Sambyal of Kehli Mandi Samba, an advocate by profession. It revolved around his grandmother who was addressed as Bua Ji or Boo Ji by her children and grandchildren. It may be of some interest to our young readers that till recently, mothers were not addressed as Mummy/Mom or even Mata ji by her children in the Dogra society. The nearest words used by some children for mother were, Maan or Bebay. Mothers were generally addressed as Bua or Boo Ji, Chaachi, Bhabhi or Bobo by her children. In fact children would emulate their elder maternal cousins (calling her
Bua Ji), elder parental cousins (calling Chaachi), uncles (calling Bhabhi) or maternal uncles and aunts(calling Bobo), and address their mothers in the similar connotation.
The story relating to the family of my friend takes us back to 1930s when my friend’s grand father left for his heavenly abode leaving behind young widow and her four minor children of one to six years of age. Majority of Mian Rajputs were employed in the Armed forces and were dependent upon pay or pension for meeting both their ends, precarious though many times it was. This family was, however, dependent upon agriculture plus some earning from the business of lending money on interest known as Shahukari in Dogri. With the death of the sole bread winner of the family, it fell on bad days. Many people who had borrowed money refused to return it on one pretext or the other. Some people having land in the vicinity of this family’s land were in search of opportunity to grab and encroach it upon. When father of the young widow, a Salaria Rajput noticed the plight to which the family of his daughter had fallen, he thought over the matter as to how the family be brought out of the misfortune. Though daughter’s family owned a good chunk of land yet there was no adult male member to cultivate and look after it.
In the circumstances the elder Salaria deliberated the matter with his only son and decided that the latter would shift his residence from their village and come over to his daughter’s home. He would look after the family of his sister and cultivate the land of her family thereby helping her to bring up her children. At his own home the elder Salaria decided that he would cultivate his land himself and his grandson would discontinue his studies and assist him on the farm. The son, named Ram Singh Salaria faithfully obeyed the command of his father and came down to his sister’s home. He started looking after and cultivating the land thereby providing sustenance to the family. He lived in her sister’s home for more than twenty five years and visited his parental home off and on, for few days when there was respite from work.His own family except for his younger son(who had come along to Samba with him for studies) was residing at his parental home. He became a part and parcel of the society of Kehli Mandi Samba and became known as Mama Salaria amongst all the residents of the Mandi, young and old.
Years passed on and when the children of her sister grew up and stood on their own feet, Mama Salaria one day collected all his belongings and left for his parental home. He got then engaged in cultivating the parental land along with his elder son and started his life afresh, anew.
His sister remained indebted and beholden to her brother for the sacrifices made by him. She wanted to reciprocate him for the services rendered by him. One option was to give some quantity of the land to him since the land had been protected through his relentless efforts. She tried but no consensus could be reached in the family. This left her sometimes disgusted and dejected as she couldn’t do anything for her brother.
Years went by and Bua Ji grew old and was afflicted by some disease of throat. During her last days she was unable to utter even a single word. She would express herself through signs. It so happened that a piece of land which was recorded in her name came to be acquired by the Defence Forces. Payment of the compensation for the same also became due at the time when she was confined to bed. All the members of the family would gather in her presence everyday in the evening. One day the issue about the sanction of compensation of her share of land came to be discussed. Since she was confined to bed so she was not able to go to the Tehsil office for its collection. Members of her family were anxious to know as to whom Bua Ji wanted to authorize to receive the compensation. She was asked about it in the presence of all the family members. Since she was unable to utter a single word the names of all the members of the family, about 15/16 of them, were called out to her one by one but there was no response from her. In the meantime it occurred to one member of the family as to whether Bua Ji wanted to give her share of compensation to Mama Salaria. When asked about the same, she shook her head immediately in affirmation and there was an instant smile on her lips and an expression of happiness sparkled her face. All the members of the family were overwhelmed by the intensity of emotions shown by the sister for her brother. It has been well said that “there’s no other love like the love for a sibling and there is no other love like the love from a sibling.”
She left for her heavenly abode after some days, a peaceful and serene death perhaps with the feeling that she had at last performed her duty towards her brother. All the family members discussed and deliberated upon the last wish of Bua Ji. Whole of the family were well aware of the magnitude of the hardships their Bua Ji had undergone for bringing them up and the quantum of sacrifices made by Mama Salaria in helping the family out of the deep distress. Everybody in the family agreed and was happy to fulfil the last wish of the deceased noble soul. On the day when the final religious rites of the deceased were to be performed Mama Salaria had also come. On completion of the rituals Mama Salaria readied to leave for his home. All the three sons of Bua Ji requested him to remain at Samba for some days as papers had to be prepared in the court to authorize him to draw the amount of compensation of the land as per the wishes of their late mother. But Mama Salaria , forsaking all human frailties and foibles, told them point blank that question of getting any amount of compensation by him did not arise. Other members of the family also joined and stressed upon him that they were duty bound to fulfil the last desire of their mother/grandmother. But Mama stuck to his guns and was not ready to listen to any of their pleadings. He told them that it was his duty to render help to his sister when she was in distress and it didn’t behove well for a brother to extract a price for the help rendered by him to his sister. He told them that he might be living from hand to mouth but he had enough resources of his own to pass his days. Money was worthless for an old man who had not much time to live. And wealth would not accompany him when he left for the next world. It would also set a wrong precedent in the society, he further emphasized. Family of Bua Ji was helpless and despite their best efforts they didn’t succeed to bring round Mama Salaria to accept their plea. Mama Salaria left for his home, a happy and a satisfied man.
It needs to be emphasized that majority of the people were not like Mama Salaria even in those old days who depicted selfless motive and high standards of conduct. Number of men of good conduct might have been small but they have left a lesson for the later generations to emulate them. Any society should be proud of such people. Bua ji did also set an example of love and generosity towards her brother. One is reminded of the words of Charlotte Bronte, “You know full well as I do the value of sister’s affections, there is nothing like it in the world.”
There is a layer over layer of love, sympathy and concern in the whole episode. A father on finding her daughter in a state of distress devised a noble mechanism to pull the family of his daughter out of distress. A faithful son and doting brother agreeing to leave his family and home for decades to stand by his sister. Grandson of the old man agreeing to discontinue his studies to help him on their farm. The sister did also not lag behind in showing her gratitude to his brother and preferred to hand over her share of compensation to her brother over the head of all her children and grandchildren. And the final stroke of greatness was struck by the brother, a person of limited resources but to whom the value of lakhs of rupees was not of any worth in front of his duty. All the members in the two families did justice to themselves, to their conscience and to other members of family.
When one observes many feuds in families over trifles these days, one naturally is lead to commend people like Salarias and Sambyals. The episode leaves us with a lesson that let us be of some help and of some worth to our fellow beings. During our service career we used to notice that two officers of the Revenue department namely late Gandharab Singh Salaria and Rajinder Singh Parihar Ji were known for their honesty, integrity and uprightness. Incidentally they are related to the two families who are under our narration today. Gandharab Singh ji was the younger son of Mama Salaria and Parihar saheb is closely related to the Sambyal family. Family Sanskars seem to have some role to play in the formation of character of our children. Let us try to inculcate and transmit them to our future generations.
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