Gauri Chhabra
Well, everyone is afraid of failure. It’s human nature. When we go outside of our comfort zone, we feel scared. More so in our careers. As professionals, our identitities become so wrapped up in what we are doing, that when things do not go as we expect, we can literally feel like we are going to die.
How can you learn to use failure to your advantage, rather than dreading it? Here are some proven strategies to move through your fear of failure:
Shift focus
First, reframe failure by shifting your goals. Expand your goal to include learning something new and you will never technically “fail” because there is always something to be learned.
For example, instead of having a very specific goal like “Earn at least Re 10 lacs from this new product launch,” expand your goal to include “Learn something new about how to successfully market research and perceptual mapping while launching a new product”. You can still target the same revenue, while at the same time anchoring yourself to the goal of learning something of value about launching a new product. This way, you cannot “fail” because regardless of the outcome, you are bound to learn something of value.
Visualize hiccups while visualizing affirmatives
Almost all psychologists tell us to visualize the positives and imagine that we have already achieved the goals. Research has also lately proven that while doing so, it is also imperative to think of the hiccups that might come in the way of achieving your goals. Positive thinking alone is not enough. Research has shown that the best outcomes are created when we balance positive thinking with visualizing the future obstacles and struggles we will encounter.
Think of a situation in which you are afraid of failure. Visualize yourself now hitting an obstacle, allow yourself to feel the fear, and then see yourself moving forward. Next, spend a few minutes planning how to overcome whatever obstacles may stand in your way. Then see yourself succeeding despite these obstacles.
Do not beat yourself up
So, what of you failed this time? There is no point beating yourself up. When we take failure very personally, we are always – always – associating the failure with a bigger story about ourselves. We are taking the failure to mean “I am not good enough”, “I will never be successful as an entrepreneur”, “My team is awful”, “and my job sucks”. When you feel very upset about a specific failure, ask yourself “what is the belief I have about this situation?” See if you can uncover the big, hairy exaggerated story you are telling yourself about this particular failure. Try to separate the story from the facts. Facts: Product launch generated Rs 50, 000 of revenue as compared to goal of Rs 1 lac. Everyone was right. I’ll never make it on my own. I’m a loser.
Once you try to unfathom the story, notice that it is just that. A story. It is the story that you choose to tell yourself. And see if you can re-write it by creating a more positive response such as ”I’m willing to take risks, I learn from my mistakes and move on.”
Learn from it
Compare the successes and failures you’ve had. Did you learn something from your successes? Probably not. But on the other hand, did you learn something when you failed? Yes, you did and in a very hard way. Next time you feel that you have not been as successful as you thought you would be, ask yourself – What did I learn from this situation?, is there a way I can grow and graduate from this experience and what is the sunny side of the situation I am in?When you first attempt to list three positive things about the “failure”, your mind may be very resistant. But if you stick with the exercise, before you know it, you will see a new opportunity that can come out of this “failure.”
For example, you might think; “Well, losing my job gives me time to focus on my skills and maybe I can hone them and enter the market with renewed energy and focus. And I will also have more time to look at what is happening in the industry. When you learn that you need the latest certification to outshine in your job, you can goa head and pursue it. Had you been doing well in your job, you would never have felt the pain and tried to do something new.
Feel it to kill it
Most of the time, we are not as much scared of failure as ‘the fear of failure’. It is the fear psychosis that makes us more miserable than the actual failure.Many of us allow fear to paralyze us because we don’t like feeling fear. But if you simply allow yourself to feel the fear when it shows up, you will notice that it quickly dissipates and suddenly the situation feels more manageable.
The next time you notice yourself getting stressed out or feeling afraid of something not working out, sit quietly by yourself, set your timer for two minutes and start taking deep breaths. Notice where you feel tightness or tension in your body, and simply breathe into that area for the two minutes. When the timer goes off after two minutes, chances are the feelings will have shifted. The more you do this, the more you will trigger your body’s natural calm response and you will move through fear with greater ease.
It is your life
Remember, it is your life and anything that does not turn out to be the way it was supposed to be affects only you, none else. So, there is no need to look for the approval of others or what would others say? Often our fear of failure is rooted in our fear of being judged and losing others’ respect and esteem. We easily get influenced by what people say about us. What one person considers to be true about you is not necessary the truth about you, and if you give too much power to others’ opinions, it could douse your passion and confidence, undermining your ability to ultimately succeed.
The legendary actor Amitabh Bachan was ousted from his first audition because his voice was considered unfit. Later, the same man rose to meteoric heights and won the hearts of many fans due to his splendid baritone. Most of the greatest entrepreneurs of their times are school drop outs. Soichiro Honda was rejected by an HR manager at Toyota Motor Corporation when he applied for an engineering job, leaving him jobless until he began making scooters in his garage and eventually founded Honda Motor Company.
Failure is not equal to incompetence
Ever since our school days, the teachers, parents and the society have been busy putting us into molds- of success and failure, so much so, that failure came to be synonymous with incompetence. Failure just means that it did not work out the way you tried. It would work out some other way.
Therefore, next time you feel that things have not worked out, one of the best things you can do is to shift your perspective and belief system away from the negative-”If I fail, it means I am stupid, weak, incapable” and embrace more positive associations that “ If I fail, there is another , better way of doing things that is hitherto unexplored by me”.
You are YOU
You are not your failures. You are you. So many times we identify ourselves with our business or our professions. But you have to realize your failures do not define you. They are not who you really are.”
So, don’t attach yourself to your times of failure. Just let go and move on…
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