Shonima Malhotra
Be yourself; everybody else is already taken. – Oscar Wilde
Imagine waking up each day feeling completely at peace with you, unburdened by the need to conform or satisfy others. At times, instead of behaving in a real and unadulterated way, we act in ways that go against our true nature. In short, we are living unauthentically. Don’t you think living and working this way is strenuous, unsatisfactory, and confining? On the converse, when we can provide ourselves acquiescence to be ourselves, we can live free from other’s ideas and expectations, and we can choose our own desired course of life. This is the power of being one’s own self. In a world that often pressurizes to fit in, to be you are the greatest accomplishment.
Being one own self implies we are true to our true whole self. It is all about espousing one’s unique persona and individuality acknowledging one’s strengths and weaknesses, leading one’s life according to one’s own principles and goals and not being submissive to societal pressures or expectations that don’t resonate with us. We are honest with ourselves and with others, and take accountability for our mistakes. Our own thinking, feeling, acting and communicating is congruent with no mixed signals. It’s a commitment to self awareness, self acceptance, and personal growth, allowing one to lead a fulfilling and authentic life. However being authentic does not undermine the significance of flexibility. In fact, in a chapter titled “Authenticity” in the 2001 book “Handbook of Positive Psychology, Dr. Susan Harter argues that our personalities can’t be “fixed”. However, our basic true self remains the same no matter what situation we’re in.
But unfortunately, human beings in the pursuit of kaya (body), chaya (shadow) and maya (illusion) in their lives tend to lose their true self and embrace artificiality in their looks, behavior and personality. Talking about kaya, an over stress on physical appearance leads to a phony focus, where one’s self worth becomes tied to exterior looks rather than interior qualities. Societal principles of beauty and strength creates pressure to conform to certain physical ideals, leading individuals to take on behaviours or lifestyles that are not aligned with their true selves – like a person might start following intense fitness regimes and diets to attain a body type popularized on social media, ignoring their own body requirements and compromising their mental, emotional and physical well being or they might prioritize looks and attire markedly to project a certain reflection neglecting personal values and interests. Remember the story of a clever wolf that disguised itself as a peacock by using vibrant colors from berries and flowers to paint its fur and reveled in the attention and adoration basking in the glory of its clever disguise. However, the wolf’s happiness was short-lived as those colors got washed away in a sudden downpour that drenched the forest revealing its true identity and making it feel ashamed. This story conveys a clear message that true beauty, respect and happiness come from being genuine and authentic, not from false appearances or deceit.
Again, the pursuit of Chaya used metamorphically to represent an idealized version of one or the chase of a certain repute leads to the overpowering of one’s individuality and personal expression. In the constant pursuit of an elusive shadowy external reflection or reputation one might represent oneself in ways that are not authentic to one’s genuine thoughts, feelings and values leading to actions that are not aligned with one’s authentic selves. For e.g. A teenager might take on activities they do not take pleasure in or agree with, just to fit in with a admired faction and keep up their social standing, or someone might prioritize acquiring pricey items and displaying wealth to uphold an image of success, even if it means going into debt or sacrificing personal happiness and values.
In their run after maya, people tend to forget that to maintain authenticity, it is vital to stay grounded in one’s morals, contemplate long term implications and cultivate self wakefulness when confronted with an option of remaining bound to one’s values or succumbing to enticement and the lure of potential gain. To clarify my point I quote the story of the honest woodcutter. This story is a genuine reflection of that woodcutter’s character and true self, as he chose to stay true to his ethics and ideals even when faced with temptation.
The idea is to live a life that is compatible with one’s inner self- dressing in a way that reflects one’s personal approach and makes one feel relaxed, regardless of existing trends; choosing a calling that aligns with one’s passions and values, even if it’s unconventional or less lucrative; pursuing hobbies and interests that genuinely bring joy, rather than those deemed trendy or socially popular; standing firm in one’s beliefs and values, even when faced with peer pressure or societal expectations; continuously determined for self improvement and personal growth, based on one’s own aspirations and goals, rather than societal standards of success- thereby ensuring a sense of fulfillment and contentment.
However, being true to oneself does not mean non considering the impact of one’s actions on others or the environment one is in; it is about finding a way to express one’s authentic self while also being mindful of the context and consequences. No doubt, being one’s own self is generally a positive and healthy approach to life, but it is equally important to balance authenticity with empathy, adaptability, and ethical considerations. In her 1994 book “The Dance of Deception,” psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner states that truth requires tact, timing, kindness, and empathy with the other person. Never forget that being true to oneself is not being over-individualistic rather it involves connections and contributions to the larger society. Prioritizing personal desires over responsibilities such as family obligations, or work commitments can lead to neglecting duties and letting others down.
(The author is Assistant Professor of Sociology GDC Sidhra)
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