Amit Kushari,IAS
Nowadays I dread reading the newspapers. All the pages are full of horror stories coming from every part of India—stories regarding murder and rape, kidnapping and attacks on women, dowry deaths, khap panchayat killings and so on. Many Indians seem to be having criminal tendencies in their genes and the womenfolk become the worst soft targets every where. When I discuss this with my friends in Kolkata, I always tell them that the people of J&K are quite different in this matter. Rape,murder and eve teasing are quite rare in J&K. People of that state are very polite, hospitable, sweet tongued and well mannered—I had not heard of such incidents during my stay in J&K. They laugh humorously and tell me,”You never seem to get tired of praising the Kashmiris and Dogras.” This brings back to my mind an incident of 1988, the day Mr. Tika Lal Taploo, a Kashmiri pandit leader was murdered in Srinagar. I was attending a seminar on Tourism in Srinagar where Dr. Farooq Abdullah was present. In my speech I was praising the hospitality and friendliness of the Kashmiris. Dr. Abdullah commented, ‘I do not quite agree with you. Many Kashmiris can be unfriendly, rude and violent. Terrorism and tourism cannot go on together.”
Recently I got a rude shock when I read in the newspapers that Mr. Sajjad Mughul, the security guard who raped and killed Ms. Pallavi, the young journalist of Mumbai, was a Kashmiri.It was difficult for me to believe this.Why should a Kashmiri travel all the way to Mumbai to work as a security guard at a paltry pay of Rs. 8000/- per month? There is no real poverty in Kashmir. Since J&K is not a densely populated state, most people have some land to till, a house to live in and many people have some sheep and cattle also. Why should anyone travel to a busy city like, Mumbai or Delhi unless he is assured of a handsome income like say Rs. 20000 or more? Life in India outside J&K is very stressful — and the most important reason for that is the high density of population. You have to really toil hard to earn your bread as the competition is very high and the opportunities are limited. Everywhere one has to stand in a queue. The result of this is that people get impatient, impolite and rude. Hospitality is just out of the question. The Kashmiri tradition of ‘hospitality, therefore is unthinkable in the rest of India. Thank your stars if someone speaks to you politely or offers you a cup of tea. I am always reminded of Kashmir where the host is likely to greet you saying,”Walhaz behaz khehaz batta”, (aao ji, baitho ji, khao ji khana). The people have become so busy that they have no time for such niceties. Besides most women go out for work and there is no one in the kitchen to make a cup of tea for the guest. India has also become more affluent and domestic help is exorbitantly expensive. Most families nowadays cannot afford domestic help. The net result is that humour has vanished and the smile has also vanished from the lips. If you can set up a shop, there will always be a huge crowd of customers and you need not be humorous, smiling and polite to the customers. At this stage I remember an incident of Srinagar which highlights the sense of humour which prevails in Kashmiri society. One Sunday morning I was buying fish near Iqbal park. A number of women fish sellers (gaadh-hanjans) were sitting in a row. I asked for half a kilo of fish only because I was staying alone. My wife was away at Jammu. The woman looked at me and asked, ” Do you want to eat fish or just sniff it?” I replied that I was alone and would be unable to consume more than that. The woman looked at me inquisitively and asked,”Aren’t you married?” “No,” I lied. “Why?” she asked. I replied laughingly , “No woman agreed to marry me.” The fish seller shouted out to the other vendors and repeated what I said. There were peals of laughter from every corner and one elderly woman shouted back,”Give him half a kilo.The poor man cannot find a wife.”There was so much of laughter and mirth that I almost forgot about buying fish. This mirth and humour was possible because people were more relaxed and life was not so stressful. Nowadays who will have so much time for the customers?
Over population and urbanisation have taken their toll on social manners and etiquette. Perhaps even Kashmir is not untouched now. The behaviour of Sajjad Mughal perhaps is an indicator of that. The Kashmir that I knew must have changed considerably by now.
(The author is former Financial Commissioner, J&K Feedback to the author can be given at 09748635185 or amitkus@hotmail.com)
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