Dr Kapil Sharma
I very well remember when I was very young around four or five years old, I used to have a deep fear in my mind. Fear of losing parents.I still remember very clearly whenever my dad was late and I had slept before his arrival, I used to get up in the middle of night and very sight of daddy sleeping peacefully used to give me an amazing feeling of security. Many people think that as we grow the attachment towards parents fades away. Is it true? No, in my opinion. But the fact is that our responsibilities increase because of Career, own family, kids, various distractionsetc. These things becomes top priorities and old parents keep on shifting down in priority list. But parents are never out of focus. Whenever I have discussed this touchy mater with my friends all of them shared high degree of emotions. One thing was common among all of my male friends that we the sons are not able to reciprocate what parents had given us even at the time when resources were bare minimum.Some of my foolish friends have a very funny excuse” I am not able to do enough because my wife doesn’t like it.”
Many have left parents at the mercy of wives and shrug their responsibility. Well, here I want to convey one thing loud and clear. In this context sons have to lead from the front. When a son takes one step family will definitely follow. If a son shies away parents will definitely suffer. Yes, role of married daughters is also very important in our family system. Daughters have to act like a bridge, In our families wives or daughters- in-law always complain that parents – in – law listen and follow their daughters blindly. In this scenario, husband must convey to wife that same the is scene when you go to your parents.
Well I am losing the track. My basic objective in writing this article is to share an idea. This came to my mind during my stay in Australia. There my wife got the opportunity to work with aged and handicapped persons. Being a doctor and daughter, she was overwhelmed by the type of facilities Australian citizens were getting. She expressed “can’t we do the same in India.” This idea keeps playing on my mind. Friends, in today’s age problem we don’t have the time. Gone are the days when free time was routine. Today we are constantly working. Era of house wives or home makers is over. Today, even if the lady of the house is not in a regular job, she must be doing something constructive sitting at home apart from routine kitchen stuff. Bringing up children is not the same as we were brought up. It’s a full time job. Both the parents are equally contributors. Problem is more serious in the families where both husband and wife are regular employees. All the more worst in families where kids are very young and parents are very old. Friends as long as parents are fit and healthy they are an asset. Young couples have the full luxury to work hard and excel in their careers because back home every thing is very well taken care of. Household is well managed, bills are paid in time, children are getting proper attention after the school etc. But problem arises when same very parents fall ill or get confined to homes. They need round the clock attention. Who is going to provide that? Both son and daughter in law are working. Parents who were asset one day suddenly start looking like a liability. Believe me, most of the families had faced or would be facing this situation.What to do?
In this case scenario, I have a solution which may not be to the liking of all but I am open for any sort of suggestions. Working couples leave the kids at crèche ln mornings and bring them back while coming back home. Issue solved.
Well then, what about old parents at home if he or she is not in good health and needs constant attention and supervision?
In developed countries it’s common that such oldies live comfortably in geriatric or old age homes. But can we imagine shifting our parents to old age homes. Never even in wildest of dreams. Old age homes in small towns are worse than …. . Then what is the solution. If you happen to meet any couple who is facing this scenario, you will realise they are having a miserable time.
I feel in this situation we got to be little innovative. I am not advocating copy paste the western concept of old age homes. We can tailor it to our needs. My idea is if we can have crèche for kids why can’t we have crèche like place for oldies. I mean a place which provides pick and drop facilities for elders when couple is in office. This place will be designed purely keeping needs of elderly people in mind the needs of elderly people.. It will have all the facilities like doctor, nursing care. Spiritual environment, entertainment, CCTV etc. I mean the same as we want for our kids. Shifting old parents to old age homes full time is an unpardonable sin. But taking care of them especially in our absence is our utmost duty. In doing so we are not only performing our duty towards the old parents but also buying our own peace of mind. After all wheel of time will not stop we will be in same place soon.
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