Dr A S Bhatia
The peeple tree under the shade of which the road side cobbler Motilal Ravidas had spend almost all his life, was now shedding its greenish yellow and dark yellow leaves. I have seen this phenomenon of the trees since my childhood. At a given point of time the tree looks lush green with sun rays falling on it, in early morning, emitting Divine reflections. The sun rays piercing through the leaves are mesmerizing! Then a time of year comes when the leaves start to lose its green chlorophyllic colour to turn yellowish green and then these leaves, which have made food with the help of sun rays to keep the tree and its branches alive, are shed off, leaving the tiny branches naked! The leaves which bore the brunt of harsh sun rays throughout its life span to synthesize food for branches and lived their lives to ultimately shed off and become a part of the earth ! But their love for the tree does not end here. After becoming a part of the earth they continue to help the tree in the form of natural manure to keep it alive!
After coming back from the hospital, I, as usual, went straight to my father’s room (which used to be my mother’s room as long as she was alive!) at the ground floor of our double storey house. Everything seemed to be normal, my old father sitting in the chair and watching news as per his daily routine. Being a doctor, I am really happy to see the mental awareness of this man in his mid eighties. He is well aware of almost everything, may be national or international importance. He can discuss the Russia -Ukraine war at length, adding it the horrific memories of the partition of 1947 interlaced with stories of war between India and Pakistan and conflict with China. He is aware of all important policies of Modi government and can discuss them in detail! Thank God he did not get Alzheimer’s ! While talking to him, I just raised my head and in front of my eyes was a beautifully framed family photograph having me, my wife, my son and daughter along with my parents, the photograph, taken about ten years back on the occasion of Diwali. My parents were in the centre surrounded on one side by me and my daughter and on the other side by my wife and my son. My eyes got struck in the picture, which started to become blurred! I shook my head violently, but the blurring did not change! I saw one deep yellow and other a greenish yellow leaf surrounded on one side by me and my daughter and on the other side by my wife and my son. The images of my parents were overtaken by the deep yellow and greenish yellow leaves! Definitely I was not in an inebriated state! The deep yellow leaf was shed off about four years back and I was becoming intolerant on seeing the bizarre picture of yellowish green leaf. Before tears could roll out from the corners of my eyes, I hugged my father, the yellowish green leaf, on the way to being shed off shortly !
I looked at the face of my father, which was glowing inspite of being filled with wrinkles and with smiling eyes! In our rat race to fulfil our over perceived ambitions, we are forgetting the true Indian culture values. The number of old age homes in Indian society have increased tremendously during last few decades. In a country, where the family bonds were so strong and in addition we have so many religious books, Granths depicting the importance of care and respect for eldely people in our society. It was only during the the pandemic of corona virus that many of us got enough time to spend with our elders in the families who were unintentionally neglected in this race of modern life!
Ageing parents have their own problems of isolation, loneliness and boredom which becomes worse as they experience the parting away of their partner and friends! And, ironically we don’t have time to listen to their silent woes, which makes me remember the famous quote of Mirza Ghalib, ” kab vo sunta hai kahani meri, Aur phir bhi Zabani meri !” I was watching a viral video on social media where the anchor was asked a question , “What is the most difficult thing to experience in this world?” to which the anchor replied very emotionally, ” Watching your parents getting old and frail is the most difficult thing in this world to watch and experience!” Old parents are like the falling leaves, feeding the branches through out their life till they themselves fall off!
I am witness to many elderly people walking on the streets in a very sad condition, with dirty , unwashed clothes, with no buttons in the shirts, uncared hair, overgrown dirty nails, torn shoes, with their head bent down looking towards the ground and walking slowly along the side of the Mohalla street! This is the most unwanted scene which I would like to happen on our roads. Dr Barmi, a clinical psychologist said, “Hold, Nurture, Reassure, protect and love your parents with dignity and respect, when they can no longer take care of themselves, celebrate them while they are with you in their lives!
Caring for our ageing parents should be our top priority . But caring should be in such a way that should not give them a feeling of losing their independence. I have seen many of my educated friends, yelling, arguing ,throwing utensils and even slamming doors on the face of their elderly parents! Unbearable for me! My advice to all my friends, Be sensitive and stay calm as you have been with your boss in your office, your parents who have lost their cognitive functions with ageing, should be your first priority ! Get some time to assess their personal requirements, When I confronted with some of my friends on the topic, to my surprise one common answer, what I received, was that most of the families now don’t have relations like Maasi, Taya, Chaacha, and so many others to take care of old, ageing and ailing persons . A large number of people attributed it to the out come of one child nuclear families and added that at one stage of life we have to seek the asylum in old age homes for our elders! It was the most cruel joke for me! Does a nuclear family disallow you to take care of your ageing parents! Or otherwise we simply are shirking the responsibility or we are irked by their presence which may be interfering with the freedom of modern Mom and Dad!
Blessed are those, who have ageing parents in their families. As per our Sanatan Dharma, Parents are the other face of GOD himself. Caring your parents is more than worshipping a GOD! One day, our parents will leave us, it is the time to realize the truth, the struggle to get better things in life will continue, the career opportunities will keep on growing, the money will keep on pouring , the modern comforts will keep on increasing with time, but the only thing missing will be your parents! They are the falling leaves! Spend time with them and keep them happy!
or otherwise as Mirza Ghalib said,
“Kabba Kis munh se jaoge Ghalib,
Sharm tum ko magar nahin aati!”
(The author is Professor and Head, Department of Biochemistry, Government Medical College Jammu.)
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