Avanti Sopory
India as a society has come a long way from where we were at the beginning of this century. Issues which were given disdainful looks earlier are discussed in open forums. Young Indians are actively contributing in changing the social perspective. Thankfully we are a witness to this societal renaissance. But is it the real time of churning? – when the nectar of good will outpour and India will be free from all evil and vice? I think there are still so many evils that we have to fight and the challenges in defeating these evils have only become more complicated and difficult. Crimes are finding new faces and ways. Misdemeanors are becoming technically more advanced. Trouble makers have found ways to use this technology in their anti-social endeavors. Safety and security of the citizens is still an unresolved issue. We may have become modern, but leading a fearless social life is still a distant dream. Unfortunately the most vulnerable are small children, who are too innocent to differentiate between good or bad people. Safeguarding the wellbeing of their children is a common concern for parents across generation. My parents would have had the same fears about my upbringing as their parents would have had for them. Honestly I am no different. I have the same stresses about the safety of my kids.
I was ten years old, when I first experienced life in condominiums. Since winters were very acute with temperature dipping to negative scale, there were many who would spend the winter holidays in the plains of India. It was the most eventful time of the year, since it was an eye-opener to the world beyond the Jawahar tunnel.
Since everyone lived in ancestral houses, condominium living was an alien concept at my native place. As a result there were no common and safe playing parks where kids could play in evenings – more importantly girls.
As a young girl I loved the freedom of playing in the society parks. Within the walled residential flats, there was a designated ground for young kids to play. There were earmarked courts for badminton and basket ball. There was a small garden which was decently maintained and rested bleachers for adults and senior citizens to sit and chit chat in the evening times.
During the fortnight of my stay, each evening all the children from all the flats would rush down to the park to play, cycle, hide and seek, ice and water, tic-tac-toe, hoola hoop or do any recreational activity. It was a great change for me too. They were well spent evenings of excitement, fun and frolic.
Very soon the holidays got over and I was back to my place. Mundane life started. Evening as always meant being indoors. The restrictions of not stepping out beyond the circumference of my house were reinstated. Well! It was not just me but most of the girls living around. None of the Hindu families ( that’s what I can speak for ) allowed their young girls to roam around or step out without being escorted. Even a play date at my friends’ house, which was just five houses away, was a strict NO. Stepping out post dusk was a blasphemous. Girls playing in the common compounds or aagans outside the peripheries of their houses were vehemently discouraged. This was their way of safeguarding and securing us. As a result all of us ( more so young girls ) were home bound and looked for recreational activities inside the house.. Hence, indoor games like carom, chess, dolls, painting, reading, pretention games, knitting, and embroidery were the most common activities. Even television was not a 24/7 telecast, so there was nothing really to look forward to other than limited access on Sunday mornings and evenings. Therefore for me, those few weeks of freedom in the plains were like my window to the world. I always wished it to be longer than the pre-decided stipulated stay.
Now, after more than two decades, I have graduated to the status of the same set of parents who stopped me from playing in the open compounds. I have started to put the same restrictions and control that my parents would put on me. Today as a mother of two small children, I have the same fears and doubts that my parents or my grandparents must have had when I was young. Although dynamics of parenting have changed and I reside in a well guarded and gated condominium myself, but the fright of sending kids to play in the fenced society is still the same. I am still at the edge until they return home safe and sound. I sometime shadow them from my balcony or randomly in the park. I get down to the park and get to know their friends much against the like of my child.
My kids may have the luxuries of a condominium but the risks are the same as were three decades ago. Young girls can go out to play in the evenings along with their girl-friends but given the increasing number of stories we hear about human trafficking and particularly child kidnapping, child safety and well-being has become a very serious concern. Muggers have also found distinct and innovative ways of harassing innocent children. The jaw-dropping novel ways they use to earn the attention of young children is heart wrenching.
I have friends who have handed over mobiles to their children. I was impressed by the thought, but does it really help? What incase the phone is misplaced or behaves contrary at the time of emergency and what about exposing your child to gadgets at a young age?
In my view parenting is the most difficult job. As grown-ups we can only teach our kids to be alert to unfamiliar activities, be vigilant, don’t get allured by strangers, whatever the circumstances always share things with your parents and get trained in self-defense (particularly the girls).
It is déjà vu’. Many years back another set of parents went through the same struggles. Today their brood is going through the same challenges. I still wonder – how different am I from my parents in rearing the kids?
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