Arjun Singh Rathore
Where are you? When you will reach home? Who is accompanying you? Who is driving car? You are late, we are worried but do drive slowly and safely. Have you taken food? These were some of the questions which I used to encounter from my father on my way back home either from work or from just a freak-out with my family and friends. At that time these questions always irritated me but today when my father is not around me and my children are grown up to move out for their studies or with their friends, it makes me to realise how concerned my father was for me and how difficult it is for me to step into his shoes to be a good father.
Perhaps our generation is the last generation which faced the issue of Generation Gap, because our parents were just simply the parents. We as kids, generally described our mothers more positive and less reactive and to a large extent they also do behaved friendly, but we usually felt that we got in more trouble with our Daddies, who were only and only strict father of their times. But the present generation is out of the Generation Gap syndrome, they are more friends than to be children and at the same time we are also more comfortable in stepping into the shoes of our children to understand them better, but still the present day children both kids as well as the grown-ups have more connect with their mothers, they know their Mothers better and rely on them for support. Fathers despite of the fact that they always live to see their children grow higher and strong in every field of life, are still somewhat of a mystery for many children, that’s why it’s very difficult to be a father.
To be a good father you have to be a good person. You have to remove bad habits from your life and all the wrong things that you are doing and what you don’t want your children to adopt later in their life. So by this, to become a good father is as difficult as to become a good person.
One of the toughest things about being a Father is letting go. After the death of my father, when my role as son had a tragic end, I being in the full time role of a father, learned a great deal about sacrifice, patience and fear, and it’s been worth every single second.
It is hard to have faith in yourself and in your own ability to be a good father. It is particularly difficult because you won’t know whether you have succeeded until it is much too late to do anything about it. So always listen to what your children have to say and ask them often, it is something bothering them. Most fathers don’t do that but it is not the hardest thing.
From the complex financial demands to emotional family dynamics, fathers face many challenges. Many young and low-income fathers lack the life experience, education, confidence and resources to be a successful father. And often, they feel pressure to fill the traditional job of the family breadwinner. But doing it all can be exhausting. While there is certainly a lot of joy involved in fatherhood, it is not unusual to also feel overwhelmed with negative feelings. Many fathers experience chronic stress or disorders such as depression, anxiety, confusion and frustration.
There are countless studies that prove mothers and fathers play their own critical roles in a child’s development, and basically, both rock in their own ways. Still and while fathers contribute to household chores and are more involved parents than ever before, yet mothers are burdened with the majority of the household work and child rearing responsibilities in addition of their full-time jobs. But now a days the modern fathers especially of my age are somewhat better than the mothers when it comes to parenting.
Now a days it is also found that three in four couples feel stress trying to juggle work and family life. They find it not easy to make a decision about whether or not to have children. On the one hand, there are pros that comes with having kids, we get unconditional love, someone to take care of us when we are old and sick, and somebody who will remember our birthday every year. However, there are also cons, sleepless nights out of worry for our child’s safety, dirty diapers and the time spent away from family and friends especially on holidays. The pros outweigh the cons in many people’s minds though so they decide to go ahead with parenthood anyway.
Parenting adult children is one of the most difficult and yet least discussed life transitions facing today’s boomers. When our children become adult, is also a debateable question. Whether we believe adulthood begins at age 18, or that it’s less about a number and more about maturity, the reality is that today’s young adults live in a very different world. Crippling college debt. A highly competitive job market. The pressure to perform and succeed early on. Constant comparison with peers via social media. With our grown-up children around our diaper-changing and chauffeuring days, to drop and pick-up from the school, are over. Whether we feel relieved or conflicted about this change, it’s time to embrace our adult child’s independence and enjoy a new phase of fatherhood.
Recently I had a lucky chance to spend some time with my son who in connection with his college assignment as intern at Pune court, gave me the privilege of staying with me at Mumbai, the present place of my posting. These couple of days reminded me of the time which me and my father spent together when I too had shifted with him for my higher schooling. That was the first time when I realised the change in my father’s behaviour towards me but at that time I couldn’t understand the cause behind that change. But now these couple of days made me to believe in a different way and matured approach to grow a healthy relationship with my grown-up adult son.
While having independent outings, shopping, dinner with my son, I realised to do the same things together which we loved to do when he was a kid. Respect is all right but the approach of boundaries should be limited because I know I will be the first person he will call in a crisis. My son is having a very different temperament than me, but still I will share my wisdom, without being critical of him. I will behave like a consultant and not a CEO to him. I will always give him a space to create an atmosphere in which he can feel like he can talk to me on any subject or situation in his life, keeping the lines of communication open 24X7. It may be hard for me to share my child with his significant other, but these relationships are an important stage in his launch towards independence. I must behave with open-mind and graciously, as I meet, when & where, this person and find ways to get to know, without being too pushy or critical. Last but not the least we both, I being the father and he being my grown-up adult child must recognize and respect our differences.
Apart from the fact that a father is son’s first hero and a daughter’s first love, there are so many reasons to believe that men make great Daddies. In one of his chat shows, Little BIG SHOTS, Steve Harvey, an American television host, producer, actor, and comedian, asked a four year old girl, “You have a nice Father and you love him.” And the girl replied. “Not a Father but a Dad.” That’s the direct distinct difference: Anybody can be a Father, but it takes a special man to be a Dad. A wise father knows his own child, so let’s celebrate the things, let’s face it, that it is not an easy ride to be a Father but still Dads just do better.
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