Arjun Singh Rathore
Before looking at how to develop more patience, it is best to define what we are actually talking about. Patience (or the lack thereof -impatience) occurs in response to some sort of difficulty or delay in life that is not going according to expectation. A day can hardly be lived without encountering something that interferes with our plans, and so we might say that the “interferences” or “disruptions” are a normal part of life; to expect otherwise will make it difficult to be patient.
Patience is a virtue! Or, at least that is how the saying goes. Patience is defined as “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset,” a definition with several important components. Patience is also a skill. We can work on increasing our ability to be patient and engage in practices to become a more patient person. Could it be that one of the strategies for developing the skill of patience is adjusting our expectations so that they are more realistic? We can learn to expect ‘disruptions’.
The capacity to accept or tolerate, is Acceptance, which is generally a misunderstood word. Acceptance is often confused with ‘liked’ or ‘approved’ but acceptance is more often an idea of surrender. Many things occur in life that are undesirable. Our option is to fight against it and to try to change it, or to surrender and accept it as reality.
Impatience often comes as a result of not surrendering to a situation that we really cannot fight. Getting stuck in traffic, waiting on someone late for a meeting or being side-lined by someone else’s mistake are examples of the need to surrender to a reality that we cannot change. The final component in the definition for patience is accepting or tolerating the situation without getting angry or upset. It helps to separate the feeling of anger from the behavior of anger. We can choose our behaviors, but we cannot choose our feelings. Feelings just happen. When we feel something, we have the responsibility to manage that feeling and to choose what behavior we will exhibit in response to the feeling.
While developing the skill of patience is work, becoming a more patient person has many benefits. Believe it or not, patience is well researched. The secret is in our thoughts. What we choose to think in response to a feeling can intensify or calm the feeling. What we think in response to a feeling will allow us to choose our response, or behavior, to that feeling. This mental process is crucial in developing the skill of patience.
Patience makes a person physically healthier. Stress and anger are frequently the result of being impatient, and they are linked to numerous physical, stress-based illnesses. Some examples include hypertension, high cholesterol, ulcers, heart disease and strokes. Research has shown that people who rate higher on patience have overall lower stress levels and less physical illness connected to stress.
Patience helps to develop a healthy attitude. A lack of patience often results in being unhappy, irritable, focusing on the negative and eventually believing that nothing ever seems to go your way. Patience improves the ability to accept setbacks and enjoy life much more. There is a saying; “Good things come to those who wait.” Patience allows you to persevere and make more productive decisions, often leading to greater success.
Patient people have a greater sense of gratitude. The skill of patience will help you be less focused on what, isn’t happening and more focused on being present with life as it is occurring. Similarly, patience helps you focus on what is good and to be thankful. In fact, patience and gratitude reinforce each other.
Patience transforms relationships. It can help you avoid becoming irritated, defensive and saying hurtful things. It can slow you down and prevent hasty, selfish decisions. Patience helps in developing the crucial relationship skill of empathy, the ability to understand life from the perspective of another. When you are impatient, you are focused inward on you on what you are not receiving. On the other hand, when you are patient, you are focused outward, able to think and choose care and compassion for the other person.
Slow Down, Most of us live life at a fast pace, which makes patience difficult. Those who ‘take some time to smell the roses’ are on to something. Very practically, one can pay attention to breathing. Slow your breathing, breathe deeply, fully expanding your lungs. Taking a few slow calming breaths and it will help you refocus mentally.
Think, Using thoughts to manage emotions is key to developing patience. One can begin this process by focusing on the big picture. Ask yourself what is true about you, the others involved or the situation as a whole, and reflect on those truths.
Choose, One can literally choose to be more patient, but it requires a certain type of self-talk. Self-talk is a critical aspect of thinking, because we can choose our thoughts. When we do, it also changes brain chemistry. You have to tell yourself, ‘I am going to relax,’ or ‘I am going to adjust my expectations and be patient.’
Surrender, There is more in life that we actually can control, but what we do control is our own self, our thoughts and our actions. Stress, worry and impatience are often the result of trying to manage or control something that we are powerless over.
Patience is a skill that can be learned and practiced, and it is a result of choosing to emphasize thinking over feeling. My mother died while trying to infuse the art of patience in me, which I miserably failed to do in her lifetime but today I am glad that you were patient enough to read this write-up till end. My only request is, start today in choosing to develop more patience, but be kind to yourself so as not to become impatient in developing the skill of patience.
Follow our WhatsApp channel
