Ashok Sharma
Strong human relations have been the bed rock of Dogra Culture. Since times immemorial, we have inherited such a culture as believed in strong family bonds and interpersonal relations. But it is equally true that change is the law of nature and with time everything changes. So, no wonder, there has been sea change in social, cultural and interpersonal relationships among Duggar, as in other parts of the world. With fast and materialistic life, coupled with increasing use of Social media, old values are crumbling fast and new values are emerging. For instance, traditional fairs and festivals which once used to be celebrated with great enthusiasm and were eagerly awaited for months together, have lost much of their relevance and importance for the younger generation. Gone are the days when people would converge on social and religious ocassions such as Chinjj ( Indian Style Wrestling Match), marriage functions, folklores such as jaatars, gasseitans, Ram Leelas etc and intermingle with each other with love and affection. Joint Family System was in vogue and children were brought up among uncles, aunts, grandparents and cousins, in an atmosphere of love, warmth, care and affection. Thus, they received lot of love instead of material gifts which we give children these days.They made their toys from wood, clay, leaves etc. Uncles, aunts and even neighbours could scold the boys and girls from any family, with full authority, for any mischief. In fact, children used to be more intimate with uncles if their father were the eldest member as he would often remain preoccupied with domestic, social and economic issues. Children would get as much love from their parents as from other members of the family. They would often sleep with their grand parents and uncles/ aunts. The intimacy of such relationships used to be to such an extent that children would address their parents by the salutation as they were addressed by their uncles.
For instance, if an uncle addressed his elder brother’s wife as ‘Bhabhi’, all the children of the family would address her as’ ‘Bhabhi’.They would eagerly wait for summer/ winter vacations to visit the homes of their maternal grandparents where they would spend weeks together in an ambience of love, warmth and affection and return home with a heavy heart. People too had sufficient time at their disposal to interact with their relatives and friends. As they met on the way, they would greet each other respectfully and inquire about welfare of the families of one another. They would sit together under the banyan trees or by bowlies and share their joys and sorrows. They lived a simple but contented life without any affectation or greed. They generally lived in mud houses but had strong bonds with with their neighbours and friends. Children would play games such as Gulli Danda, marbles, santolia, staapu, geetian etc and derived real enjoyment and developed strong physique and social skills. On hot summer nights, people, especially the young boys would sleep on the rooftops sharing stories, jokes, episodes and counted the flying bats and shooting stars. Thus, they would fill their nights with joy and enjoyment. In this way, they would learn the valuable skills of facing rejection, failure and inculcate sportsmanship and team spirit.
But these days, everybody is busy in browsing mobiles and texting messages and have little time for physical interaction. The rural games have almost vanished with the children remaining hlued to the mobile phones. They are so busy in video games, mobiles and computers that they have little craze for these activities, fairs and festivals. Till a few decades ago, even marriage and other functions were eagerly awaited for months together. Young boys would prepare firewood for marriage by splitting huge wooden logs and help in the preparation of sweets and distribution of invitation cards called ‘Nindra’. Social skills would also be strengthened on the occasions like construction of Kuccha (mud) houses when all the youth from village would converge to lay huge beams and put clay on the roof ( Laadi). On the same lines, people in villages would cut green grass ( kamer/ letri) or plough the fields collectively by turns. Children helped their parents in fields and developed responsible attitude towards family. But with change in times, most of the agricultural activities have been mechanised to increase the crop production. Physical labour has been lessened with the use of technology. But the sad aspect of modern change is that the young boys avoid doing even little work such as growing vegetables / fruits etc in the fields. The result is that vast fields of land remain uncultivated. Interpersonal relations of the past have been replaced by formal relations. People have no time to talk to each other unless they have some purpose or interest. Now everybody is busy in browsing mobiles and texting messages or seems to be busy doing nothing, having little time for physical interaction. The rural games such as gulli danda, santolia, chor sipahi, kabaddi, playing marbles, stappu etc in the fields/ meadows etc which were a great source of entertainment and amusement in the days gone by have almost vanished. Those were the days when children would play with real friends and not with virtual friends and enjoyed the real world instead of ‘reel’ world. Consequently, the social skills and other qualities that these skills developed in the children at an early age are fast vanishing. There has been a remarkable change in rituals and traditions. The marrriage rituals such as jagrana, taking bride in the palanquin and groom in the’ bangla’ have almost vanished and replaced by new ones. The folklores of yesterdays are on the decline and there is little craze of the youth towards folklores such as gagail, kaaraks,barraans, geetrus etc and Dogri songs. Nomenclature of old relations has changed a lot. Jethani was addressed as ‘Bebu’, ‘Jeth’ as ‘Bhai Ji’, ‘Devar” as ‘Pau’, elder sister as ‘Bobo’ ( now Didi or Jeeji), her husband as ‘Panoa’ ( now Jeeja/ Jeeju),Father’s elder brother as’Tato'( now Tau or ‘bade Papa’and the like). These connotations had a sense of belongingness and affinity. Moreover, with increasing urbanization and large scale migration from villages to cities in search of employment and better healthcare and educational activities, villages have lost their rural character. Joint family system has been replaced by nuclear family system. As a result of family planning, most of the familes have one or two children who are usually over pampered with the result they find it difficult to face harsh realities of life. In case both the siblings are boys, the relation of BUA is on the verge of extinction and in case both are girls, the relation of fraternal uncle is doomed to be lost. In cities, people have started living in flats and have little contact with others. They park their vehicles, lock themselves in the modern ‘prisons’ with all modern facilities and rarely go out, except for work or morning/ evening walk. As a result of online shopping by big companies and home delivery system, the interaction has further been reduced. Children from many families are working abroad or in other big cities with the result that parents are doomed to pass their last days all alone with none to care if one expires. Oldage homes are fast increasing in number. Unless measures are taken by the society, cultural organisations, NGOs etc to preserve the Dogra culture, time will come when posterity will hold us responsible for failing to preserve and transmit this rich heritage onwards. Therefore, parents, schools, NGOs, social and religious organizations, in tandem with the Government, ought to realise the gravity of shrinking human relations among people in general and Dogras in particular and do something concrete so that such relations are strengthened. Language is an integral part of our culture and Dogri, being the mother tongue of Dogras should be promoted. Duggar Channel, a long pending demand of Dogras, should be started at the earliest. As most of our Dogra festivals are celebrated in Dogri, rituals and ceremonies are performed in Dogri, the first and foremost step should be to promote Dogri at home, in offices and social gatherings. Dogri, though declared as one of the official languages of Jand K is taught only in a few schools. It should be made compulsory at least till the Middle standard and thereafter as one of the subjects. Posts of teachers and lecturers lying vacant, need to be filled up.Competitions based on Dogra Dress, jewellery, folklores, folksongs, folk dances etc should be organised frequently. In addition to Parent Teacher Meetings, Grandparents too should be invited to schools. In the period of Dogri, students must be encouraged to speak in Dogri and News in the morning assembly must be spoken in Dogri, in addition to other languages. Parents, on their part must spend quality time with their wards and converse in Dogri. They must take their children to fairs and ensure their active involvement in celebration of Dogra festivals. Important Days such as National Days, Birth/ marriage/ retirement anniversaries should be celebrated at home with all the close relatives. Religious functions too must be celebrated together to foster good relations among siblings and cousins and children must be actively involved in organising such functions as Bhandaras, Jagratas, Gagail, Gasseitan, etc to develop social skills and foster interpersonal relations. Last but not least, Dogras who have rendered exceptional service for the preservation of Dogra culture and promotion of Dogri language, ought to be felicitated by the Government and the organisations working for promotion of Dogra Culture and Heritage, to serve as an inspiration for the young generation. All these steps, if followed in letter and spirit can strengthen human relations across Duggar and rejuvenate our vanishing cultural heritage.
(The writer is Sr. Lect .(Retd) SED, Govt of J&K)
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