Ashok Sharma
For Hindus,marriage is a sacrosanct and indissoluble bond between two persons.It is more a union of two souls rather than physical relationship.Hindu marriage is accompanied by elaborate rituals aimed at purification of the mind, body and soul of the two people-the husband and the wife, who embark on a lifelong journey with a pledge to share each other’s joys and sorrows and beget children to propagate the human race by living strictly within the marriage.
There is usually a lot of excitement and gaiety many days before the actual date of marriage.But modern marriages have become merely an occassion of lavish display of wealth and money rather than observance of rituals which were an integral part of the marriage ceremony in the days gone by.Sadly,many of the rituals of olden days have either become extinct or on the verge of extinction in the modern days of marriage of bride or bridegroom.The strong personal relations of yesteryears have been replaced by artificiality and ostentation in the modern times..
There used to be a time when people would extend invitation in the form of a handwritten invitation on a small sheet of paper called ‘Nindra’,which was smeared with turmeric and covered with sacred red thread (khamni). It used to be the duty of the family Purohit to hand over the invitation to the relatives who would receive the invitation with due regards and invariably give him some money as a token of joy and happiness. These days,people extend invitation in the form of expensive cards accompanied by juice/sweet boxes but the warmth and joy of the olden times is conspicuously missing. As the marriage day approached, relatives and neighbours would throng the home where marriage was to be held with a view to help the parents of the bride or bridegroom in successful holding of the marriage function. The relatives and neighbours would start bringing eatables (liryai) such as loaves made from fermented flour(khamire), milk and milk products,etc.to help the family in coping with the heavy rush of guests generally witnessed for a few days before the day of marriage.It was generally thought that any lapse in the marriage function would bring disgrace not only to the family of the wedding person but to the whole neighbourhood and relatives.In the modern marriages,the whole affair is organised by the caterers with the relatives and parents having little role and time to do anything worthwhile. On the day of the marriage of the girl,all the people elder than the bride would consider it as their sacred duty to keep a fast for the whole day and would take food only when the Barat arrived and the Baratis had been served food. In case of marriage of the boy, the parents would ask their relatives to get their new dresses stitched to be able to be a member of the marriage party.It was considered to be a matter of prestige and respect if somebody was invited to be a Barati. A few days before marriage,the bridegroom would stop shaving the beard and would wear old dress to protect himself from ‘evil’eye.He was said to be in mangra’ . It was also thought that shaving beard and wearing new dress on the day of marriage after so many days will make him look more handsome and graceful.The bridegroom attired in traditional dress would go on the specially decorated palanquin called’Bangla’ to the bride’s home in a graceful and dignified manner.The Barat was received with due respect and served tea and snacks at another house called’lua wala ghar’- a place to retire and take rest.The members of this house would treat the newly married girl as their own daughter. It was, in fact, for her a home away from her parental home.
As the Baratis reached the bride’s home,a barati would sing ‘Sehra’in honour of the bridegroom after which the baratis would be served special food by special people wearing dhotis and carrying dishes.The hands of the Baratis would be washed in a respectful manner and they would be served sumptuous food not normally provided to the other people.The marriage party would hardly exceed sixty- seventy people and often each barati was introduced to the parents and other relatives of the bride’s side.While the baratis relished the food,the friends and cousins of the bride would tease them by singing ‘sithnis’ such as ‘asein iko karshi ridhi maan sholyan di daal mude da bab leti leti chatte maan sholyan di daal’whereas the elder ladies used to sing ‘suhaags’- marriage songs.The cousins of the bride would offer the bridegroom ‘keurs’ made from maida .After kanyadaan by the father of the bride,the bride’s sisters and cousins used to ask the bridegroom to tell them ‘shands’.The bridegroom would tell shands such as ‘shand pra aakhie shandi aage kesar,sas meri Parvati te saura mera Parmeshwar’to which the girls would respond ‘shand pra aakhie,shandi age paani, pain saari inga rakhio jinga mahalein di raani’ and so on. Then one of the girls often from the bride’s family would recite ‘shiksha’ eulogising the bride and the bridegroom and wishing them both a happy and prosperous life.The bridegroom would give gifts to the girls in the form of rings and the bride’s parents and relatives would bid her a tearful adieu as she was made to sit in the tastefully decorated palanquin (palaki) often carried by the brothers and cousins of the bride. The marriage party would stay overnight in the neighbourhood where the local people would pool their resources to ensure that baratis passed a comfortable and cosy night. The marriage party would be served breakfast next morning and they would return alongwith the bride.In this way, the baratis would get a chance to interact and familiarise themselves with the new people and place. Meanwhile, the women from the bridegroom’s family who would not be allowed to accompany the Barat would stay at home and perform ‘jagranas’ by keeping awake all night and gossiping and dancing till morning in a room.They would dress themselves as men and often tease the the women relatives of the bridegroom by passing lewd remarks.No male member would be allowed to enter their room.The ritual of singing sithnis, suhaags, korian etc.has almost vanished in big cities and vanishing fast in small towns and villages.
All these rituals, which were a part of our rich culture and which added colour and vibrancy to the function and symbolised informal relations among the people are fast passing into oblivion in the modern marriages.We can see the contrast in case of marriage in the modern times.There is no distinction between the Baratis and other invitees by the parents of the bride and no restriction on the number of the baratis.Moreover, there is so much rush that one can’t.savour food without the risk of getting one’s clothes spoiled with the dishes spilled by others.Elaborate arrangements are made on decoration and a lot of money is spent in the marriages these days but there is only artificiality and affectation in the behaviour of the guests and the hosts.The function becomes a show of display of wealth and riches having little charm and corporate feeling. The rituals such as the symbolic and traditional stealing the shoes of the bridegroom, recitation of Sehra and Shiksha, singing kourian/ suhaags, telling /singing shands, / sithnis etc. which formed an integral part of our rich culure need to be revived and preserved in order to pass them to the posterity or this valuable heritage bequethed to us by our wise forefathers will be lost for ever.
(The writer is serving as lecturer in Govt. Hr. Sec. School (Boys) Udhampur)
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